Proof I May Take This Video Game Too Seriously...

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

I've always been a fan of a good space adventure—Star Wars, Star Trek. I absolutely adored Firefly and until its run ended in 2009 Battlestar Galactica was my space opera of choice.

But after BSG ended I was left with a void in my life until one day maybe 2 years ago, in an effort to cure my boredom during a vacation and my incessant whining about it, my brother Joey introduced me to Mass Effect 2.

I'm not a gamer by any stretch of the imagination. In fact until that day I'd never used an X-Box controller and the only other game I'd ever finished (aside from the Mario games) was Zelda: The Twilight Princess. So it should be no surprise that I started out awful. I couldn't shoot worth a damn and the Husks scared the crap out of me. But never once was I discouraged from playing. The storyline of this space adventure captured my imagination immediately and intensely. I had no choice but to play if I wanted to see how it would end.

Then when I finished Mass Effect 2 and my brother informed me that my storyline would have been different had I played the original Mass Effect, I ran out, bought it, and played the entire thing again in the correct order. And when I finished, I sat back and waited anxiously for the release date of Mass Effect 3. The end, I knew.

Now that I've finished I have to admit that I've been left a little hollow. From a strict story standpoint, I get it. I understand artistic integrity and staying true to the plot, the characters, the story line, and, well, to reality. And let's not forget that I'm a huge fan of the tragic hero death. But, um, in this case, I don't care.

I wanted to save the galaxy. I wanted to save my crew. ALL of them. Even though I accepted Ashley's death as inevitable in Mass Effect, I worked hard to ensure that my entire crew made it out alive following the suicide mission in ME2. I didn't want anyone to die in ME3. I realize that is unrealistic, but I don't care. I mean, deep down I think I actually believed I'd find a cure for Kepral's Syndrome and be able to cure Thane of his terminal illness. Let's be clear right from the start, REALITY has nothing to do with my feelings.

I did not want to see Thane killed by Kai Leng. Though if I was unable to cure Kepral's Syndrome, I appreciate that he died honorably and it's much preferred to him slowly rotting to death.

I did not want Mordin to sacrifice himself so we could cure the genophage. Again, I can live with this because Mordin always regretted the genophage and would want nothing more than to rectify the situation at all costs.

I did not want Zaeed die saving the ambassador. (Though this one I could have lived with. Zaeed was kind of a douche)

I did not want Legion to die. I realize he's not technically alive, but whatever, I worked hard securing a tentative peace between him and Tali.

I did not want to sit there and listen to Anderson tell me how proud he was of me when I knew he was going to die any second.

And in the end, I didn't want to end up God knows where buried under some rubble. So what if I breathed. So? Huh? The Normandy is trapped on some jungle planet. Are they going to fix the ship and come find me? Will they be able to if the Mass Relays are broken? And who actually survived on the Normandy? I could have sworn both Garrus and Liara died when I was trying to get to the Conduit and Coates said our entire team was obliterated. Yet, Garrus stepped out of the Normandy on that planet behind Kaidan. And are the three that stepped out of the Normandy the only crew members who survived?

I'm lost and confused. And hollow. I realize I destroyed the Reapers, saved a decimated Earth, an entire galaxy, and ended a cycle that would continually wipe out advanced organic life. Yet, I feel like a giant failure.

You Bioware people made me believe I could do it. You made me believe I could defeat the Reapers and survive. I should never have been resurrected in Mass Effect 2. I should have gone down with the Normandy. I should never have been able to assault the Collector base and survive with my entire team intact.

I could have handled my Shepard dying, if I didn't feel it was in vain. If I knew the people I loved would all be okay and would go on to live long, happy lives.

The epilogue with the old man? If Bioware had wanted to give me closure that should have been a slightly aged Kaidan talking to the son he had with some woman who could give him a happiness in life my destiny wouldn't allow me to.

Don't get me wrong, you are all geniuses. The writers, producers, etc. are gods for creating such an epic story. For making the situations so real and the characters so compelling that I was so emotionally invested their survival and happiness. You revolutionized gaming. And you did it in grand fashion. I thank you and applaud you all for your work.

In time I will heal and I will be able to fully appreciate just how amazing this ending is. But right now I'm devastated. I'm hurt. I need time to process it.

In closing, I leave you with a text conversation between me and my brother Joey last night that I think best expresses how I feel...

Me: I'm going to take back Earth tonight.
Joey: Good luck

40 minutes later...

Me: Did Garrus and Liara just die on me?
Joey: Yes
Me: I don't want to live in a world where Garrus is dead.

This is Garrus...

He's Turian, and my Shepard's best friend, and I love him. And the thought of a Mass Effect world without Garrus is pretty much unbearable.

---